did i need to move on ? even..

kalo laper ya makan..

kalo ngantuk yaa tidur..

kalo putus yaa move on..

itulah kutipan mbak willa di twit buat gue..

dalem ah, orang gue lg galau disuruh makan sm tidur..wakakakakkk

tapi ternyata mami gue pun sudah ga respect ke si B , ohh goshh..

my mom said "he not deserved to be ur boyfriend , dear"..

why mom ??

and she's back to sleep again , ignoring me when i act like a baby in her room..hehehe

this is my heart ,

my own heart , why i can't decide to want him back..

mungkin gue munafik..

mungkin gue pengecut..

but im just try to be honest , if i still love him ;))

dearest god , just please if B really love me like i do , put he's on my side..

but if not please let my heart forget about that and give him the best..

SECOND chance...

ketika bertemu dan berusaha membicarakannya dengan nada tenang , berusaha tak membuka atau bahkan mengolok luka lama kita yang bahkan tak kunjung sembuh...

......

setelah semalemnya gue dengerin lagu GLEE-get it right (http://liriklyric.com/glee-cast-get-it-right.html)

 sampe mata belo gue bengkak segede telor onta arab.. gue melanjutkan nangis dlm mimpi karena barca kalah 1-0 sama madrid !!! bangs*t tuh christian ronaldo !! wasit nya rabun !!.. *makin emosi*

udah ahh bias.. pokoknya pas dengerin lagu itu ampe puluhann kali !! gue smsan sama si B dan kita kehanyut suasana..menggalau bersama deh =)) ahahhahaaa...

mengulang kenapa kalo dia sayang sama gue dia sering nyuekin gue ??

kenapa kalo dia sayang sama gue dia bisa ngelepasin gue gitu aja ??

kenapa harus kita putus meski rasa sayang ini masih ada , melekat..

i know its so hard to explain but this is the true , we still love each other even im so hurt because of him..

i glad to know he still love me, anyway...

and finaly we make an appoitment to meet , on thursday , 21 april 2011 in the afternoon..

my heart so beating..

for the first time until we broke up, i can see his face again, really close until i can smell his parfume..

breath that and fill my chest with all about him.. DAMN !!!

(melloww ager-ager deh)...

...

akhirnyaa gue pun pergi sm dia , menemani dia makan sih ceritanya (kamuflase)..

dan kita pun serasa balik ke masa dua bulan yang lalu..

kita ngerasa pacaran lagi even nyatanya kita bukan apa-apa sekarang ini !

gue berusaha realistis , menyikapi status mantan yang terpampang di jidat kita masin-masing..

tapi untung kita gak saling lempar-lemparan gelas yaa di mbak sri , hahahaa...

dan yang bikin gue terenyuh , adalah lo bilang "ga bisakah gue dapetin kesempatan kedua dari lo ?"

selama ini lo kemana B ???

kemana sikap manusiawi lo !!!!

apa baru sekarang ego lo ilang gitu aja kaya bisul yang akirnya pecah ?? hahaha.. *bego akh lo gy*..

haduh B ! bisaa kurus gue mikirin sikap lo yang aneh bin ajaib :(

dan gue cuma blg "setiap orang berhak dapet kesempatan kedua , tergantung gmn cara lo ngebuktiin ke gue dan ngerubah sikap lo"...

...

and in the fact , i know im still love you B , and how many time i take to forget u its doesn't work...
but please B if i give you a second chance to get back my heart , please don't hurt that anymore...

should i feel like a broken hearted girl ??

What have I done?
I wish I could run,
away from this ship going under
just trying to help out everyone else
now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

what can you do when your good isn’t good enough
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions
keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?

can I start again, with my fate again?
cause I can’t go back and endure this
I just have to stay and face mistakes,
but if I get stronger and wiser, I’ll get through this

what can you do when you’re good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

so I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
and accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair!
yeah, I’ll send down a wish and I’ll send up a prayer
and finally someone will see how much I care

what can you do when you’re good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

im just try to move on (even)...

bermula saat gue ngintilin mbak willa ke gramedia , dan kami pun berubah jadi AUTISMAN..

ngubek semua novel , buku buat literatur skripsi mbak willa , fancy stationary , map yang unyu-unyu , sampe digodain mas-mas karena kita pake PDH PMI..wakakakkk

sebenernya gue rada jengah ke gramedia matraman , karena pas hub gue baik2 aja sama si B , itu jd tmpt kami berdua..dan itu spesial..huaaaa

gue selalu berusaha setiap hari buat MOVE on !! seperti yg sodara2 gue bilang selalu , 

"lo ga akan menemukan orang lain gy , kalo yang ada dipikiran lo cuma B !!"...

gue emg masih dlm tahap recovery , gue menunggu itu dalam setiap hari gue , dan entah gmn masa recovery gue itu terasa ke-RESTART ulang pas dia lewat....melewati gue gt aja dengan senyumnya bahkan sering dengan diamnya..gue cm kerasa sedih , sedih knp harus berakhir dengan gak wajar , sedih knp kalo kita saling sayang dia gamau mempertahankan gue , sedih setiap inget dia yang selalu blg sayang sama gue sampe kapanpun..tapi nyatanya begitu terus sikapnya... *arghh , kumat deh galaunya gue*

wahai mantanku , my dearest B , my firstman to make me learned about the patience !

please , just leave me alone , really stay away from my heart , go away from my life , don't say our lovely name when we belong together , please just be disappear , fly away like dust !! and if someday we meet again , meet me like a new person , like a stranger !! and we don't need to say anything , just walk away..